I love having family and friends around our place, but there is one 'family member' I do not like, and that is Aunt Flo (period). She came this month, she was not invited, nor was she warmed with welcome arms. I curse Aunt Flo, really I do. I was having this lovely dream you see, this dream that the symptoms were early pregnancy signs, not PMS symptoms. But she woke me up. I cry, silently. I shout at her quietly, but she doesn't listen. She continues to stay for days. Making her presence known, she's embarrassing, humiliating, highlighting my stupidity thinking that this could be the month.
After Aunt Flo decided to leave, I bolted the 'doors' hoping that we never see her again and that we will make more of an effort for her not to come back next month. The next cycle starts and I allow myself to hope again. I buried all the disappointment, embarrassment and frustration that I had. I took a deep breath and decided to get out the big guns, Yes, it was time to buy ovulation sticks, fertility tea, and BBT thermometers.
In the mornings, I now have a 'fertility morning ritual'. My alarm goes off and before kissing Daddy Day good morning, I lean over and put my BBT thermometer in my mouth (you are not allowed to get out of bed first apparently). Whilst the thermometer is beeping at me to stay still, I am wondering how much longer I can hold going to the toilet... At last a long beep! I quickly get up, grab my ovulation kit before Daddy Day can grab a cuddle and off I go to pee on a stick... and who says romance is dead?!
And that is what I have learned and feared about this month...
Whilst I stand here stirring my fertility tea hoping Mystic Meg will pop up and tell me the precise time to have sex. I have come to realise that our lives have become so regimented and that the life that I love, that I am so precious about, seems to be getting in the way. How on earth can life get in the way? Well it didn't until my fertility app told me it was!
Fertile days are precious and when your alarm is flashing at you to get that Barry White album out from the bottom drawer and as he would say "get it on", then you start to get excited, hopeful that this could be the time. I was so absorbed in fitting in all the advice about how to conceive, the best time to conceive, and the best sex positions to get pregnant, it turned into “We need to do it, and we need to do it NOW"... I started to turn into She Hulk - I would wave my arms and pout like a celeb trying to get exposure. I forgot at times that the sex is about how much you love each other, and it is a way to express this, not just a biological process to go through to reach an end goal.
I found it incredibly hard to keep this in mind at times and along with my other feelings, I also feel ashamed. After speaking to other women who are, or who were in a similar situation, I now realise I am not the only one at some point to feel this. It’s maybe hard to fit romance above ovulation calculators and basal temperatures... but I will... we will... or I believe that I will end up bonkers.
This month I am determined not to forget about my relationship, and why I love the man I lie next to every night. I am still going to continue to track my fertility window, but it will not dictate to me as much. I want the month to be more organic - if its not the right time, I will not force it. That includes me being able to watch one more episode of Poldark and if DaddyDay wants to maybe one quick game of FIFA before we start our little "baby dance".
xxxx Good luck to all xxxx
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xx Family Of The Day xx