Trying for a baby.... Prior to pouring my thoughts out about this, I would like to add that this is not our first month trying and that this post and the following posts will reflect my thoughts, feeling and tribulations starting from now and continuing over the next few months and (hopefully not) years.
Before meeting DaddyDay, I never contemplated having more children, my thoughts and aims revolved around the kids (thing 1 and thing 2), education and travel, but as soon as we had 'the conversation' about extending our family and how it would work (ultimately deciding on a yes!), I never knew how much trying for it would take over our daily lives.
Now, I feel I am much more attuned to my body and every stomach ache and pelvic twinge could be a suggestion that I am pregnant. Every decision is now always made after a quick look at google (or other good search engines out there) to make sure it won't affect the possibility. Am I turning into a crazy lady?
After a visual countdown on my fertility app revealing it was 'that time of the month' I realised I was late - Oh my God, I must be pregnant! Call the marching band and sign me up to the Mothercare Baby club, Momma is a coming!
I couldn't believe the euphoria I was feeling and the jumping around of thoughts and questions in my head. Should I buy a test or is it too early? Should I buy one in the local discount shop or go and get a deluxe test that flashes and smiles at me?... Decisions, decisions… But, regardless of the decisions flowing around in my head, the euphoria of maybe this is it and it might be the time to cancel next year's holiday plans... I wasn't. I'm not. Oh..
I had emotional whiplash - a sudden wave of emotions hitting me by surprise.
I felt guilty (for telling DaddyDay, this could be it and building his hopes up), disappointment that after waving the stick around ferociously like a teacher trying to corral the kids back into class after lunch, only one line showed, then guilty again for having that beer while watching the football. Maybe it was that which prevented me getting pregnant? With this inner sadness I could hear the sound of my biological clock ticking...
I can accept the growing wrinkles around my eyes, but my fertility and my ticking womb (I'm only JUST 36!) is more of a raw subject and one that is a hot topic with some friends and family members. I have never been phased by the passing years, until now. I know that going from 35 to 36 decreases the odds of conceiving but isn’t it strange that it is just one day and yet on my birthday I moved into a different age bracket on all those charts that show the probability of having a baby in each age group. That bracket is now a darker purple and it can't possibly be good?!
I love my friends and their optimistic beliefs that it will happen immediately with no complications, thus being a story that would be perfect for any Disney movie! of course that is far from the truth and we are trying to write it, blog it and work towards our own happy ending.
Along with my now purple fertility colour, my age also now seems to allow people to 'jump to conclusions'. Unfortunately, I must admit that I have put on weight over the last year, and from this I now have those passing comments of "OMG, you're pregnant, aren't you?” “I always thought you looked pregnant!” “How far gone are you?". Each time I try to laugh (awkwardly) and say "No, I'm not pregnant, Haha!" Seriously, I can't express how much it hurts. It just reminds me that I'm not, and that I must dig out that 90’s video tape of Mr Motivator to help me with his very motivating Lycra induced workouts!
Even though at the moment we are not proactively monitoring temperature I am following my cycle with an app, will be starting to use other apps and take, hopefully, kind and constructive advice on what to do next. This blog post is just to document and share our journey each month and hopefully allow us and others to chat and offer support throughout our own journeys!
08.07.18 - Quick update.. Just purchased the following with a review to follow next month.. Fingers crossed as seems like a very informative tool to help us.. Excited Already!!
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xx Family Of The Day xx